Oregon at Long Last
I’ve always had a secret longing to see Oregon because I’ve heard how beautiful it is. I would especially like to see Portland and find out if it’s as maladjusted as I think it is.
Ganja for sale as soon as you get over the border. Don’t waste time.
I walked in here and the budtender asked me for ID. Maureen was shocked when I told her this, “What’s he talking about? You have wrinkles!” Yes, thank you.
He said I wasn’t allowed in without ID. I asked if I could take a picture. He smirked and said, “No.” So I left. It reeked to high heaven in there. There was a neon board on the wall sort of like airport arrivals and departures. I think it was their price list. “Today we have a fine Peruvian bud…” Maureen badgered me for miles to go back and get something. “You should try it, mama.” Me? I am a child of the disco era. You could not swing a cat without knocking a bong out of somebody’s hand. I’m lucky I have enough brain cells to type these words.
The Eighth Wonder
Unfortunately, I didn’t get a picture of the sign, but it said that this liquor store was the eighth wonder of the world. Wow, I thought. I’ve got to see this.
It was a huge store with lots of cheesy stuffed statues of bears and stuff. I think there was one Sasquatch. Someone asked what I was looking for. I said, “Deschutes Black Butte Porter”. It was recommended to me by a guy who calls California “the land of fruits and nuts”. This is rich, coming from a “Florida Man” and we all know what they’re like. He told me that it was only available in Oregon. The guy walked directly over to the fridge, hauled it out, and handed it to me. They had it!
At the cash I asked, “Why are you the eighth wonder?”
“What?”
And I’m thinking, not you personally buddy, far from it. I could’ve worded that better.
“Why is this store the eighth wonder? That’s what the sign says.”
“It does?”
“Yeah, you know seven wonders of the world, and you’re the eighth.”
He shook his head and said, “I don’t know. I’ve never heard that.”
“Really”, I said miffed, “That’s why I came in here.”
Disappointed in the whole thing I just said, “Well, now you know.”
Maureen didn’t even ask me about it when I got back in the car. She probably already knew that it was a bogus claim. She’s an old soul. It wasn’t a total loss though, at least I got my butte handed to me.
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