Krakow, Polish Athens, Poland

He is Saint Stanislaus. We’ll call him Stan.

Unfortunately, the statue of the patron saint of Krakow is in a dark shadow. But, he was a shady character anyway. Born in 1030, he became Bishop of Krakow. There were two big events in his life that catapulted him to stardom and sainthood.

Sturm und Drang

Before I continue, some people tell me that they don’t want to read about history in a travel blog. I understand. But, with stories like this how can you not tell them? Thousands of tourists walk past this statue every day. Most have no idea what the story is behind it or why people bothered creating the statue in the first place. Sturm und Drang. There I said it. The cat’s out of the bag now. Knowing these stories add a little Sturm und Drang to your life. Go ahead, look it up. You know you will. You know you want to.

Real Estate Deal Gone Bad

As I said there were two big events in Stan’s life. The first one was when he bought some land from a guy named Peter. Peter died shortly after. Suspicious? Maybe. But, Peter’s family grabbed the land. So they went to court and King Boleslaw the Bold ruled in favor of the family. So that’s when Stan said, “Hey, that’s my land. I bought it fair and square and I can prove it!” So how does he prove it? Well, how would anyone prove it? He summoned Peter up out of his grave and asked him, “Did I or did I not buy land from you?” Peter said, “Yes, of course, you bought the land. It’s yours.”

Then Stan asked him, “Well, do you want to remain with the living or what?” “No thanks. I think I’ll go back down,” answered Peter. So Stan reburied him. All of this was performed in front of witnesses. And one more thing. Peter had been dead for 3 years.

After this, the king said, “Nevermind. Keep the land, Stan.” Because things were clearly getting pretty friggin’ weird by this point. This story obviously shocked the socks off of everybody. Bishop Stan became a kind of mystical person with supernatural powers after this.

(It appears from this photo that Maureen has a not-so-secret admirer. She could’ve been dancing or just posing as usual.)

Bad Communication Skills

The second event involves the pond behind Maureen in the photo. This one gets a bit rough so strap yourselves in. Bishop Stan got into another tiff with the King of Poland, Bolesław the Bold. Keep in mind that this also happened in England about a hundred years later. Henry II and his Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket had a falling out that ended in a bloody mess. So things happen to the best of us. Here’s what happened.

In 1079 Bishop Stan excommunicated King Boles. Yes, indeed, he went too far. It proved to be the beginning of the end for him.

Seriously?

Stan did not like the way the king was fooling around with all the ladies at the palace. Or it was because he didn’t like the king being too hard on the ladies who were fooling around while their husbands were off fighting in wars. People were not taking life seriously enough. So, nobody knows for sure why he did what he did. But, one thing’s for sure, it got the ball, and eventually, his head rolling. Because when you excommunicate someone, especially the king for godsakes, well, that’s war, my friend. Look it up. I’m serious.

Bold

The outraged king charged Stan with treason and ordered his execution. But, nobody had the guts to kill a man who could actually talk with people who had gone over to the other side. So you know what? If you want to get things done you have to do them yourself. And that’s exactly what the beleaguered Boleslaw did. He marched into the church of Skalka while the Bishop was conducting mass. He drew his sword and struck him down. Not satisfied with ending the life of the pernicious priest, he chopped him up into little pieces. He then flung those pieces of Stan into the pond in the above picture.

The Shocking Scene of the Crime

Pull Yourself Together

Now you might be thinking, that’s the end of that. Not so fast. After that bold beast of a man vented his spleen and left the blood-soaked church a crazy thing happened. By the way, attacking Stan is how he became ‘Boleslaw the Bold’. As if this story wasn’t crazy enough 4 eagles flew in for the show that followed. Stan re-assembled himself. He waited for the mad monarch to leave. Then, bit by bit fished all his pieces out of the pond and put them back together again. But, you know what? He stopped short of reanimating himself. So he got himself together but shied away from actually living again.

And who can blame him? Would you want a bold king like that cutting you up every 5 minutes? No. There’s only so much the human body can take. Besides, revenge is a lot sweeter as a martyr than being an average guy on the street.

The Bold and the Banished (not Beautiful, sorry)

This is how our man Stan became a saint AND a martyr. But, what happened to that bold, badass king? Well, people were so outraged that they said, “How dare you cut down our blessed and divine priest like that. Couldn’t you see how special he was? No? Then get out!” They banished Boleslaw. He fled the country. And to this day, nobody knows where he went, what happened to him, or where he is even buried.

One More Thing

There is a drinking fountain at the pond. The water that comes out of the fountain is pond water. It stinks and tastes even worse than it smells but they say this water can work miracles. I bet. If it can help Stan imagine what it can do for you.